Out with the old and in with the new... Or so they say.
But we don't really have to get rid of everything that's old do we? Well who knows, I sure as hell don't! While we're sliding wildly off topic though NEW TINGS! (just thought I'd say it again as I've been quite partial to out bursts of Patois lately)
I'm going to be adding some "new tings" to this here lil' blog-a-me-doo-dar (Jamaican redneck! hahaha), the first of which will be "Word(S) Of The Week"*.
The idea is a bit sketchy at the moment but basically I'll be trying to spread the English language on a bit more thickly because lets face it, if you live in London (or anywhere else for that matter) you could probably do with a few extra English lessons! Why I hear you ask? Just because I love it so! (which is "polite" for shut up and take the free lesson!) Not really sure how that's all gonna work out but the general aim is to teach/learn more words from this language that is everywhere... and yet people just can't be bothered to speak it properly (or spell it for that matter, American I'm lookin' at you, taking the "U" out of "Color" and "Mom"). So here's hoping I'll be learning a lot!
*Please note: I still don't have my own computer and therefore may be unable to do this new feature weekly, as the name suggests.
I'm also adding "Important things" as a permanent feature, although it will basically be random information I come across and deem"Important" enough to post on here, but I'll be on the look out for things of that nature just so that this doesn't die off (I really want it to stay lol).
*please note: When I say random, I do actually mean random so this may not reappear for a long time.
Hopefully I'll be able to stick to both of these but if not... Oh well at least I'll have tried right?
And now back to our scheduled Observations!
Thursday, 8 October 2009
Friday, 2 October 2009
Observation No. 21 Things You Just Don't Ever Say
One of the things I'm learning about my crusade to try and tell the truth at all times.... It's kind of hard to Stop telling the truth once you've started.
There are little ways around it, as I'm sure we all know well enough *nudge wink* but in general once you pop you just can't fucking stop!.. Or something like that... Anyway this isn't a blog about how I said something stupid while trying to be honest, it's about how I'm going to start talking now about something that I probably don't need to share, but I'm suitable pissed off that I just need to get it off my chest and once again be quite honest about everything (it's actually getting annoying now that you mention it, but meh "I've started so I'll finish" or as I like to say "I thought it so I'll say it").
I have recently (try a year and a half) been looking for a job and I happened to stumble blindly across this ridiculously too good to be true job that required no experience but would pay bucket loads f money (no it's not a street charity thingy-ma-bob person). Now being the poor little thing that I am, of course I jumped at it and applied at top speeds (I can type pretty fast by the way if anyone needs a receptionist..? No? Worth a shot) and the proceeded to wait while actually twiddling my thumbs and staring at the screen with beady eyes. Low and behold a few days later and the correspondence is going quite well and I'm being told about this amazingly wonderful and seemingly effort free job where you only work 2 days a month, work will fit in around your other career or your school studies etc. (sounds too good to be true right? Shame how a lack of funds for extended periods tends to turn your brain right off... kinda like a lack of sleep as I was saying previously...)
So anyway, emails are flying around and this guy is telling me that I will be taking over his job while he goes back to school for a year, the job is a great opportunity and really easy to learn yada yada yada, and that I would be receiving a cheque for the first job assignment in the post, and to let him know when I deposit the cheque and the day it clears into my account (here comes the good part). Now this "Cheque" if it can even be called that, did not look like a cheque to me and I know fuck all about this kind of thing. It looked like a certificate that someone had printed off a computer, while trying to make it look as much like a cheque as they could, so I immediately cashed it... Ok no I didn't but that's not really a lie that's what we call humour. No I immediately asked to have it investigated because if it turned out to be fake, I didn't want them to think that I was just trying to cash some fake cheque and get away with it (plus it REALLY did look dodgy, should of taken a picture now that I think about it), so I showed it to my bank and asked them to look into it. Meanwhile the guy on the end of the emails is getting really agitated (just about hiding it) and I'm thinking "I know this is gonna end badly... But we'll see".
Today rolls around and I get a call from someone at the bank saying
"I'm calling in regards to the cheque that you asked us to investigate last week, the cheque was found to be fake/fraudulent so I'm sorry to inform you that we will have to alert the authorities about this incident. In you need to contact us about this matter please yada yada"
PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC
BIG
GIANT ASS
HEAD ACHE AND STOMACH CRAMP
That sounds bad right? It's not just me that does sound really bad right? So of course I called back straight away to try and find out a bit more, and let me tell you something. If ever, there is a time when you do not want to deal with bad/sub par/fuckerie doo dah customer services people, it's after one of them has just told you in not so many words
"we're calling the police for you"
So when I called, trying to find out what this would mean for me (is this gonna close my account? do you mean you're now getting the police to investigate me? Can you explain what's going on a bit more clearly please?), I was not happy, or impressed to be dealing with this guy they had me dealing with. He says to me the cheque has failed the investigation so "we're sorry" but "unfortunately we have to alert the authorities" making the situation sound really dire yet again, my stomach doing back flips and threatening to go flying despite the fact I've just woken up and not eaten yet. So I say to him "ok, but what happens now? what happens after that"
"Well we can't give you back the cheque now that we know it to be fake, it will be processed on to your account and then the authorities will probably confiscate the funds from you and continue their investigation concerning this when we hand them the cheque"
Someone please call me stupid for asking this question so I know it's just one of those things that I haven't learnt about, I mean first of all I don't want the damn cheque back, what a stupid thing to say... but my next question was
"Wait I don't understand you, you just said that the bank has finished the investigation and found the cheque to be fake, so how can the money still go into my account? Surely now that it's known to be a fake cheque shouldn't still be processed?"
I couldn't understand it... Does anyone else understand that? Why are you continuing the transaction if you now know the cheque is fake?
"Well the cheque has already been handed in to us here so it has to be processed by policy, there's nothing I can do about that I'm afraid, we just have to process it and taller the proper authorities"
"I still don't understand though, how can that money be allowed to go onto my account if the investigation that the bank carried out shows that it's a fake cheque? That's gonna look really dodgy on my account! Isn't there any way to stop it?"
"Oh no I'm afraid we can't give you any preferential treatment, we just have to follow with our policies as in a normal situation" (what the hell did you just say? who the fuck asked for preferential treatment you retard!)
"I'm not asking for preferential treatment, I'm just trying to find out what is actually going to happen, I mean can't you see it from my point of view for a second? This is just really gonna mess me up!"
"Well there's nothing I can do about that, YOU cashed the check you know, so it's not really to do with me"
... ...Jigga said what?...!?
Now, this is in no way meant to be offensive to anyone, but just to give you the full scope of how I heard this at just after 9.30am in my bed with no breakfast, panicking like the police were kicking off my front door that very second and charging up the stairs, lets everybody just imagine the strong heavy accent of a Nigerian male saying to you
"Well there's nothing I can do about that, YOU cashed the check you know, so it's not really to do with me" (can you tell I was pissed? needless to say I woke up pretty fast and stopped panicking)
CUSTOMER FUCKING SERVICE!!!!!!
I happen to work in customer services, and have done for nearly 3 years now even though it doesn't pay much yada yada, and let me tell you that if I had EVER said anything like that to a customer I would have lost my job so fast!! WTF!!
"Excuse me?... No Don't interrupt me please, you don't say to me ""YOU cashed the cheque"" in that accusing tone of voice, because actually I think you'll find that I ASKED for the investigation in the first place, don't use that tone of voice to talk to me cos it's not helpful, and right now I'm just trying to find out exactly what's happening"
"Yes well I have already explained to you what is going to happen now so I'm doing you a favor, this is not actually my job to tell you all this as I have hundreds of other people to speak to today"
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY!!!!!?????
Hundreds of other people to talk to..? are you hearing this? You do not bloody say that to people when you are representing your company, a bank no less, while they are asking you questions!!!!!
Now I am not stupid, like I said I've worked in customer services for nearly three years now so I can actually translate what that sentence should have sounded like if it had come from a competent employee.
"I'm sorry but I can't answer any more of your questions at this time, as the purpose of this call was just to inform you of the result of the investigation regarding your cheque. If you have any more questions then please feel free to come down to your local bank branch or I can give you a number to (xyz) to speak to someone who can answer any more of your questions)
Very simple!! not fucking hard at all!! It is not your job to tell me your opinion about shit that you don't know about Mr "YOU handed in the cheque so it's nothing to do with me and I have better things to do and hundreds of more important people to speak to than someone who tried to cash a fake cheque, oh and by the way we are calling the authorities for you"
FUCKING NO WANONA!!!!
I won't type out the rest of the conversation as it's just me cussing him really politely in perfect English (shock horror he didn't understand a word of it and took the opportunity to repeat himself yet again), so I had to go down to the bank to find out what was going on. Yes I was angry now, but there was still the imminent and yet fairly vague (but still real) threat of "The Authorities" coming to get me. So off I went down to the bank and what happens when I get there? ...?
Nothing actually, I spoke to a COMPETENT member of staff who explained the whole thing to me in about ten seconds. Basically, the cheque still has to be processed but it will just show up on my statement that it was rejected (seriously how fucking hard was that to say?), it won't close my account or make any "black marks" on my account, and they are not calling the authorities to get me, they just have to report that the person(s)/company who issued the cheque did so fraudulently (spelling?) so they need to find out where it came from. I probably might be asked some questions about that, but it won't be specifically concerning me after that point he didn't think ( at least I hope not) so I calmed down a bit for a bout thirty seconds, they I flared up again because that fool over the phone had me panicked practically for no reason other than he thought he'd throw his opinions around and pronounce judgement on me, so I reported him.
I don't usually do that kind of thing, it's not really nice to find that out of the blue some random Joe has put your job into question because of a dodgy conversation, but on this occasion I felt justified that this fool really should not be working as one of their customer services reps, whether he loses his job or not he should at least be re-assigned to some other department or something ( I don't know how banks work stop asking silly questions!!! I mean er.. um.. At this time I am unable to answer any more err.. oh shut up >.<)
Fingers crossed I'm not carted off...
There are little ways around it, as I'm sure we all know well enough *nudge wink* but in general once you pop you just can't fucking stop!.. Or something like that... Anyway this isn't a blog about how I said something stupid while trying to be honest, it's about how I'm going to start talking now about something that I probably don't need to share, but I'm suitable pissed off that I just need to get it off my chest and once again be quite honest about everything (it's actually getting annoying now that you mention it, but meh "I've started so I'll finish" or as I like to say "I thought it so I'll say it").
I have recently (try a year and a half) been looking for a job and I happened to stumble blindly across this ridiculously too good to be true job that required no experience but would pay bucket loads f money (no it's not a street charity thingy-ma-bob person). Now being the poor little thing that I am, of course I jumped at it and applied at top speeds (I can type pretty fast by the way if anyone needs a receptionist..? No? Worth a shot) and the proceeded to wait while actually twiddling my thumbs and staring at the screen with beady eyes. Low and behold a few days later and the correspondence is going quite well and I'm being told about this amazingly wonderful and seemingly effort free job where you only work 2 days a month, work will fit in around your other career or your school studies etc. (sounds too good to be true right? Shame how a lack of funds for extended periods tends to turn your brain right off... kinda like a lack of sleep as I was saying previously...)
So anyway, emails are flying around and this guy is telling me that I will be taking over his job while he goes back to school for a year, the job is a great opportunity and really easy to learn yada yada yada, and that I would be receiving a cheque for the first job assignment in the post, and to let him know when I deposit the cheque and the day it clears into my account (here comes the good part). Now this "Cheque" if it can even be called that, did not look like a cheque to me and I know fuck all about this kind of thing. It looked like a certificate that someone had printed off a computer, while trying to make it look as much like a cheque as they could, so I immediately cashed it... Ok no I didn't but that's not really a lie that's what we call humour. No I immediately asked to have it investigated because if it turned out to be fake, I didn't want them to think that I was just trying to cash some fake cheque and get away with it (plus it REALLY did look dodgy, should of taken a picture now that I think about it), so I showed it to my bank and asked them to look into it. Meanwhile the guy on the end of the emails is getting really agitated (just about hiding it) and I'm thinking "I know this is gonna end badly... But we'll see".
Today rolls around and I get a call from someone at the bank saying
"I'm calling in regards to the cheque that you asked us to investigate last week, the cheque was found to be fake/fraudulent so I'm sorry to inform you that we will have to alert the authorities about this incident. In you need to contact us about this matter please yada yada"
PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC
BIG
GIANT ASS
HEAD ACHE AND STOMACH CRAMP
That sounds bad right? It's not just me that does sound really bad right? So of course I called back straight away to try and find out a bit more, and let me tell you something. If ever, there is a time when you do not want to deal with bad/sub par/fuckerie doo dah customer services people, it's after one of them has just told you in not so many words
"we're calling the police for you"
So when I called, trying to find out what this would mean for me (is this gonna close my account? do you mean you're now getting the police to investigate me? Can you explain what's going on a bit more clearly please?), I was not happy, or impressed to be dealing with this guy they had me dealing with. He says to me the cheque has failed the investigation so "we're sorry" but "unfortunately we have to alert the authorities" making the situation sound really dire yet again, my stomach doing back flips and threatening to go flying despite the fact I've just woken up and not eaten yet. So I say to him "ok, but what happens now? what happens after that"
"Well we can't give you back the cheque now that we know it to be fake, it will be processed on to your account and then the authorities will probably confiscate the funds from you and continue their investigation concerning this when we hand them the cheque"
Someone please call me stupid for asking this question so I know it's just one of those things that I haven't learnt about, I mean first of all I don't want the damn cheque back, what a stupid thing to say... but my next question was
"Wait I don't understand you, you just said that the bank has finished the investigation and found the cheque to be fake, so how can the money still go into my account? Surely now that it's known to be a fake cheque shouldn't still be processed?"
I couldn't understand it... Does anyone else understand that? Why are you continuing the transaction if you now know the cheque is fake?
"Well the cheque has already been handed in to us here so it has to be processed by policy, there's nothing I can do about that I'm afraid, we just have to process it and taller the proper authorities"
"I still don't understand though, how can that money be allowed to go onto my account if the investigation that the bank carried out shows that it's a fake cheque? That's gonna look really dodgy on my account! Isn't there any way to stop it?"
"Oh no I'm afraid we can't give you any preferential treatment, we just have to follow with our policies as in a normal situation" (what the hell did you just say? who the fuck asked for preferential treatment you retard!)
"I'm not asking for preferential treatment, I'm just trying to find out what is actually going to happen, I mean can't you see it from my point of view for a second? This is just really gonna mess me up!"
"Well there's nothing I can do about that, YOU cashed the check you know, so it's not really to do with me"
... ...Jigga said what?...!?
Now, this is in no way meant to be offensive to anyone, but just to give you the full scope of how I heard this at just after 9.30am in my bed with no breakfast, panicking like the police were kicking off my front door that very second and charging up the stairs, lets everybody just imagine the strong heavy accent of a Nigerian male saying to you
"Well there's nothing I can do about that, YOU cashed the check you know, so it's not really to do with me" (can you tell I was pissed? needless to say I woke up pretty fast and stopped panicking)
CUSTOMER FUCKING SERVICE!!!!!!
I happen to work in customer services, and have done for nearly 3 years now even though it doesn't pay much yada yada, and let me tell you that if I had EVER said anything like that to a customer I would have lost my job so fast!! WTF!!
"Excuse me?... No Don't interrupt me please, you don't say to me ""YOU cashed the cheque"" in that accusing tone of voice, because actually I think you'll find that I ASKED for the investigation in the first place, don't use that tone of voice to talk to me cos it's not helpful, and right now I'm just trying to find out exactly what's happening"
"Yes well I have already explained to you what is going to happen now so I'm doing you a favor, this is not actually my job to tell you all this as I have hundreds of other people to speak to today"
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY!!!!!?????
Hundreds of other people to talk to..? are you hearing this? You do not bloody say that to people when you are representing your company, a bank no less, while they are asking you questions!!!!!
Now I am not stupid, like I said I've worked in customer services for nearly three years now so I can actually translate what that sentence should have sounded like if it had come from a competent employee.
"I'm sorry but I can't answer any more of your questions at this time, as the purpose of this call was just to inform you of the result of the investigation regarding your cheque. If you have any more questions then please feel free to come down to your local bank branch or I can give you a number to (xyz) to speak to someone who can answer any more of your questions)
Very simple!! not fucking hard at all!! It is not your job to tell me your opinion about shit that you don't know about Mr "YOU handed in the cheque so it's nothing to do with me and I have better things to do and hundreds of more important people to speak to than someone who tried to cash a fake cheque, oh and by the way we are calling the authorities for you"
FUCKING NO WANONA!!!!
I won't type out the rest of the conversation as it's just me cussing him really politely in perfect English (shock horror he didn't understand a word of it and took the opportunity to repeat himself yet again), so I had to go down to the bank to find out what was going on. Yes I was angry now, but there was still the imminent and yet fairly vague (but still real) threat of "The Authorities" coming to get me. So off I went down to the bank and what happens when I get there? ...?
Nothing actually, I spoke to a COMPETENT member of staff who explained the whole thing to me in about ten seconds. Basically, the cheque still has to be processed but it will just show up on my statement that it was rejected (seriously how fucking hard was that to say?), it won't close my account or make any "black marks" on my account, and they are not calling the authorities to get me, they just have to report that the person(s)/company who issued the cheque did so fraudulently (spelling?) so they need to find out where it came from. I probably might be asked some questions about that, but it won't be specifically concerning me after that point he didn't think ( at least I hope not) so I calmed down a bit for a bout thirty seconds, they I flared up again because that fool over the phone had me panicked practically for no reason other than he thought he'd throw his opinions around and pronounce judgement on me, so I reported him.
I don't usually do that kind of thing, it's not really nice to find that out of the blue some random Joe has put your job into question because of a dodgy conversation, but on this occasion I felt justified that this fool really should not be working as one of their customer services reps, whether he loses his job or not he should at least be re-assigned to some other department or something ( I don't know how banks work stop asking silly questions!!! I mean er.. um.. At this time I am unable to answer any more err.. oh shut up >.<)
Fingers crossed I'm not carted off...
Sunday, 27 September 2009
Important Things No.1 Sleep
You know that saying "you don't know what you got 'til it's gone"?
It does indeed apply to the sleep, as I have been finding out first hand over the last month or so. extremely frustrating as I'm sure you can imagine, not being able to sleep a regular number of hours, in any sort of regular pattern(note the word Regular).
No it's not the same as insomnia, as that is an actual medical disorder and would stop me sleeping completely... (though I have spent a few days without sleep 24hrs-48hrs etc, that was mostly my own fault for not trying to sleep for various reasons, as opposed to not being able to sleep) it's more that my sleeping pattern has been thrown off by something, and that has made it really difficult for me to adjust myself back into a regular pattern (if that makes any kind of sense...)
-Long and short of it is- I'm having trouble sleeping
You would not believe the impact this has on day-to-day dealing in life though, for example;
my short-med term memory has become so bad, I'm having difficulty remembering things that happened as little as one or two weeks ago! It gets better the further into long term memory that you get, I have no trouble remembering months ago for example. But my fear is that if I can't remember what's happening right now...then by the time today, becomes last month, there will be a massive gap in my memory of a month or so (or more even? I don't know I'm still not back to regular sleep yet >.<)from when I was having the sleeping trouble. This has major repercussions as I have noticed that memory is also effected by confidence, for example if you're trying to remember something but you're not entirely certain of it, it then becomes that much harder to remember it.
Right about now those memory improving mini games on the Nintendo DS are looking very attractive! Now if only I could remember where my DS is...
It does indeed apply to the sleep, as I have been finding out first hand over the last month or so. extremely frustrating as I'm sure you can imagine, not being able to sleep a regular number of hours, in any sort of regular pattern(note the word Regular).
No it's not the same as insomnia, as that is an actual medical disorder and would stop me sleeping completely... (though I have spent a few days without sleep 24hrs-48hrs etc, that was mostly my own fault for not trying to sleep for various reasons, as opposed to not being able to sleep) it's more that my sleeping pattern has been thrown off by something, and that has made it really difficult for me to adjust myself back into a regular pattern (if that makes any kind of sense...)
-Long and short of it is- I'm having trouble sleeping
You would not believe the impact this has on day-to-day dealing in life though, for example;
my short-med term memory has become so bad, I'm having difficulty remembering things that happened as little as one or two weeks ago! It gets better the further into long term memory that you get, I have no trouble remembering months ago for example. But my fear is that if I can't remember what's happening right now...then by the time today, becomes last month, there will be a massive gap in my memory of a month or so (or more even? I don't know I'm still not back to regular sleep yet >.<)from when I was having the sleeping trouble. This has major repercussions as I have noticed that memory is also effected by confidence, for example if you're trying to remember something but you're not entirely certain of it, it then becomes that much harder to remember it.
Right about now those memory improving mini games on the Nintendo DS are looking very attractive! Now if only I could remember where my DS is...
Friday, 11 September 2009
Observation No. 20 Lets Dace!!
This one is very simple really, I think we should hang out more.
Yes you, my friends who are supposed to be reading my blog and showing support lol, we need to hang out more. we don't need to go anywhere(until I start making tons of moneys anyway), we can dance at home, but we should get together more anyway because we could all use the exercise....
No? Just me? Ahh well was worth a try hahahaha!!
Basically since I seem to find myself perpetually hovering between "unemployed" and "not so very adequately-paid-job", I haven't been able to attend my dance classes and I'm starting to feel in the old joints (cracks all the joints in both hands, wrists, neck and most of my back).
So I'm just wondering what I can do in the meantime to keep fit... (Oh don't be so disgusting, I don't need to blog about that!...yet...) Because exercise, well we all know it can be hard to keep yourself motivated to do it often enough when you're doing it on your own(notice I didn't say everyday, you shouldn't be exercising every day, that's just odd), especially if like me you don't like gyms. Oh I know they work, but I just don't like them, and I have a far too active, or over active imagination (fueled by many a stereo type but I don't really care) about what goes on in places like gyms, to ever get to like them. Not to mention that I sweat enough as it is, I don't need to be around someone else's sweat unless I reaally like them (and I already said I don't need to write about things of that nature), so that's a no for the gym.
This problem probably has a very simple solution, it's just one of those times when you're so bored that your brain just refuses to work for you, and you end up with a problem that isn't really a problem (now I'm just throwing the word "problem" like it's a bloody ball).
What to do, what to do...
Yes you, my friends who are supposed to be reading my blog and showing support lol, we need to hang out more. we don't need to go anywhere(until I start making tons of moneys anyway), we can dance at home, but we should get together more anyway because we could all use the exercise....
No? Just me? Ahh well was worth a try hahahaha!!
Basically since I seem to find myself perpetually hovering between "unemployed" and "not so very adequately-paid-job", I haven't been able to attend my dance classes and I'm starting to feel in the old joints (cracks all the joints in both hands, wrists, neck and most of my back).
So I'm just wondering what I can do in the meantime to keep fit... (Oh don't be so disgusting, I don't need to blog about that!...yet...) Because exercise, well we all know it can be hard to keep yourself motivated to do it often enough when you're doing it on your own(notice I didn't say everyday, you shouldn't be exercising every day, that's just odd), especially if like me you don't like gyms. Oh I know they work, but I just don't like them, and I have a far too active, or over active imagination (fueled by many a stereo type but I don't really care) about what goes on in places like gyms, to ever get to like them. Not to mention that I sweat enough as it is, I don't need to be around someone else's sweat unless I reaally like them (and I already said I don't need to write about things of that nature), so that's a no for the gym.
This problem probably has a very simple solution, it's just one of those times when you're so bored that your brain just refuses to work for you, and you end up with a problem that isn't really a problem (now I'm just throwing the word "problem" like it's a bloody ball).
What to do, what to do...
Observation No. 19 New and improved, 100% crap free, no added lies
Ugh
That about sums up the entirety of yesterday, ugh, ugh, and a little bit of neck pain because I haven't been exercising (next blog, soon come soon come). Rewind, I finally came out to my mother the other day.
Hold the applause and/or sympathy pain... I did it via email (don't boo, it's rude and I'll slap you).
Yeah I know chicken, yella belly, cowardice, blah blah shut up, she's not your mum. Don't get me wrong, I do feel slightly shamed/guilty or whatever for doing by email instead of face to face, which is slightly (when I say "slightly" just think Jamaican for "little bit of pepper") magnified by the fact that she near enough said she was pissed that I didn't tell her to her face (via return email... in phonetic Patois...>.<), but she's just one of those people who are easier to talk to from a distance, and somewhere deep inside my head where I feel the need to defend myself, I don't see a problem with my logic!
If someone had something to tell me, and for whatever reason they couldn't do it in person, I wouldn't mind getting a letter about whatever it was(honestly, I miss hand written letters, much more personal and romantic), I mean if you really want to tell someone something but you can't say the words, then why not write it down? At least you're still making the effort to try and tell them even though it's difficult (unless we're talking about a break up, because then you just best grit your teeth, grin and bear it to tell me in person or there will be a MESS yuh unna stan?). If I could have told her in person I would have... Clearly I could not so lets move right along.
Today marks the day that my efforts are... er... shining through...? Something like that, anyway there are no more lies in my life as of this day(I didn't say no secrets, come on now don't be silly that wouldn't be entirely human if I managed to do that no would it?). Those of you who know me well enough will know how important this is, and has been to me for quite some time, so even though it comes with some drama as all things do, it's a pretty nice(although tiring) feeling to know that everything about me right now, is true o^,^o.
My little smiley face is trying to explain it but there are no words really(and you all know how funny I am about using the right words at the right time), I just feel bloody awesome! so once more o^,^o
That about sums up the entirety of yesterday, ugh, ugh, and a little bit of neck pain because I haven't been exercising (next blog, soon come soon come). Rewind, I finally came out to my mother the other day.
Hold the applause and/or sympathy pain... I did it via email (don't boo, it's rude and I'll slap you).
Yeah I know chicken, yella belly, cowardice, blah blah shut up, she's not your mum. Don't get me wrong, I do feel slightly shamed/guilty or whatever for doing by email instead of face to face, which is slightly (when I say "slightly" just think Jamaican for "little bit of pepper") magnified by the fact that she near enough said she was pissed that I didn't tell her to her face (via return email... in phonetic Patois...>.<), but she's just one of those people who are easier to talk to from a distance, and somewhere deep inside my head where I feel the need to defend myself, I don't see a problem with my logic!
If someone had something to tell me, and for whatever reason they couldn't do it in person, I wouldn't mind getting a letter about whatever it was(honestly, I miss hand written letters, much more personal and romantic), I mean if you really want to tell someone something but you can't say the words, then why not write it down? At least you're still making the effort to try and tell them even though it's difficult (unless we're talking about a break up, because then you just best grit your teeth, grin and bear it to tell me in person or there will be a MESS yuh unna stan?). If I could have told her in person I would have... Clearly I could not so lets move right along.
Today marks the day that my efforts are... er... shining through...? Something like that, anyway there are no more lies in my life as of this day(I didn't say no secrets, come on now don't be silly that wouldn't be entirely human if I managed to do that no would it?). Those of you who know me well enough will know how important this is, and has been to me for quite some time, so even though it comes with some drama as all things do, it's a pretty nice(although tiring) feeling to know that everything about me right now, is true o^,^o.
My little smiley face is trying to explain it but there are no words really(and you all know how funny I am about using the right words at the right time), I just feel bloody awesome! so once more o^,^o
Monday, 7 September 2009
Observation No. 18 Embarrassing moments
Don't you just love it when you can look back on those moments in your life, where you have been truly and utterly ridiculous!
Embarrassing moments, gotta love 'em, if I hadn't had so many I probably would be a very different person today!(and we can't be having that now can we?) They are just one of the many things in life that are completely beyond our control, but once the moment has passed and you can look back, we love them all the more for it.
Classic example, seeing someone you like in public. It could be someone you know, someone you've never met before possibly, doesn't really matter though, the end result is you becoming the most ridiculous, ungainly, clumsy person in the world with a public audience! It's brilliant! (well I think so anyway hahaha) No escaping it, you will be "gotten" by at the very least 5 of these moments in your life (and if you haven't been "gotten" at least that many times then I'm sorry but you are afreak o^,^o) and it's just one of those things isn't it? You'll cringe horribly durng the moment that it happenes of course, but what can you do but laugh really?
Embarrassing moments, gotta love 'em, if I hadn't had so many I probably would be a very different person today!(and we can't be having that now can we?) They are just one of the many things in life that are completely beyond our control, but once the moment has passed and you can look back, we love them all the more for it.
Classic example, seeing someone you like in public. It could be someone you know, someone you've never met before possibly, doesn't really matter though, the end result is you becoming the most ridiculous, ungainly, clumsy person in the world with a public audience! It's brilliant! (well I think so anyway hahaha) No escaping it, you will be "gotten" by at the very least 5 of these moments in your life (and if you haven't been "gotten" at least that many times then I'm sorry but you are afreak o^,^o) and it's just one of those things isn't it? You'll cringe horribly durng the moment that it happenes of course, but what can you do but laugh really?
Observation No. 17 Why do you want an afterlife? O.o?
This is one of the more controversial opinions that I tend to lug around with me.
Q. Why do you want an After life?
Seriously, why do you want one? The whole concept kind of baffles me, I mean most religious concepts baffle me but this one in particular... I mean take for example, the way that you get into the "good" afterlife
you *have* to do this, this, this and this.
you *cannot* do this, this, this or this.
So many rules! After fully following all of those rules and laws, to the letter (which lets face it, none of you do anyway!) can you really and truly and honestly say, that you were true to yourself, that you lived your life as well as you could, as yourself, and that you tried to be a good person because that's who you are? Or would you be more likely to say that you lived a good life (correction, somebodies idea of a good life) and upheld the idea of "living a good life" even though you didn't really want to, because you were told that if you didn't you would burn in this horrible place called hell for the duration of your afterlife, and you would really rather prefer it if that didn't happen, even you're not exactly keen on living this "good" life?
The reason I say this is mostly because of Christianity (in all it's many disguises), because it seems to me that if you talk to a single individual christian, they will probably talk to you with some level of dignity and intelligence (even though they're living their life as dictated by a supposedly x000 year old book, but which has been edited by crazy people with money quite a few times). yet if you get a group of Christians together, they seem to lose their integrity as individuals, and merge their consciousness' into this terrifying being more commonly know as "Jesus said", "The Bible says" and "The Lord". It's incredible to watch (while also terrifying), and even more so perhaps, because of the fact that while under this state of merged consciousness, They seem to be apt to forget every thing that the Bible actually says, and start preaching death, hate and general violence to anything they don't like.
Which often leaves me with the though "Doesn't that mean you're all going to hell?"
which brings me back to my main question, why do you want an after life? If even the people who are supposed to be leading such"good" lives can turn in the blink of an eye into a mob of mass murderers (allegedly) who are clearly going to hell, then what chance does anyone else really have of getting the "good" after life? Why do you even want to continue living after you die? Where is the point of that? I mean, reincarnation I can get behind, that sounds fun and makes a tiny bit more sense as far as theories about constant levels of energy in the universe go (seeing as how we generate energy to survive, when we die the energy should in theory come back somehow...side track), but an afterlife? Really?
Let me be really rude, and even more controversial then (love it! :P) what happens if there really is an after life? (I know there isn't but lets pretend) To be honest the"Bad" one sounds a lot more interesting, I mean practically everyone who's anyone will be going, the media has pretty much forced tanning to be sexy so no one will mind the heat... Who will even be at the good one? One man/woman and his/her son, some clouds (Yawn!) a bunch of angels (lets just say they look like elves) with no sexual organs (so no angelic delights!) who would probably burn you to a crisp by touching you anyway (yeah... why am I here again? This party sucks) and mother Teresa (I wanna go now!!!!). That doesn't exactly sound like "eternal bliss" to me...
Jokes and insulting views of what the after life Will be like aside, once again Why do you even want one? The world is a beautiful place(well I think so anyway), yeah it's fucked up, but you're not exactly perfect yourself I'm sure, so don't be so judgmental lol. Besides, most of what's fucked up about the world is down to us (and surprisingly enough, the arbiters of the "Good" after life, Christians... Go figure) so we shouldn't really be complaining, the world is hard but beautiful, and full of very interesting things if you know how to look for them, so to me it's hard to understand why so many people would **choose** to restrict their lives, by living their lives following someone or something else's ideals on how they should be and what they should do. Especially for some vague promise of something like an "after life" when you have no idea if This. Is. it! This could be it! You have no way of knowing.
Here's a mind boggling comparison for you, I'm a gamer (meaning like to play games) so I often hear things of this nature, or along these lines
"I'm gonna spend all my moneys powering up my character on this level so I can get a perfect score, that way when I get to the next level I'll be able to do anything I want"
Sounds similar does it not?
Q. Why do you want an After life?
Seriously, why do you want one? The whole concept kind of baffles me, I mean most religious concepts baffle me but this one in particular... I mean take for example, the way that you get into the "good" afterlife
you *have* to do this, this, this and this.
you *cannot* do this, this, this or this.
So many rules! After fully following all of those rules and laws, to the letter (which lets face it, none of you do anyway!) can you really and truly and honestly say, that you were true to yourself, that you lived your life as well as you could, as yourself, and that you tried to be a good person because that's who you are? Or would you be more likely to say that you lived a good life (correction, somebodies idea of a good life) and upheld the idea of "living a good life" even though you didn't really want to, because you were told that if you didn't you would burn in this horrible place called hell for the duration of your afterlife, and you would really rather prefer it if that didn't happen, even you're not exactly keen on living this "good" life?
The reason I say this is mostly because of Christianity (in all it's many disguises), because it seems to me that if you talk to a single individual christian, they will probably talk to you with some level of dignity and intelligence (even though they're living their life as dictated by a supposedly x000 year old book, but which has been edited by crazy people with money quite a few times). yet if you get a group of Christians together, they seem to lose their integrity as individuals, and merge their consciousness' into this terrifying being more commonly know as "Jesus said", "The Bible says" and "The Lord". It's incredible to watch (while also terrifying), and even more so perhaps, because of the fact that while under this state of merged consciousness, They seem to be apt to forget every thing that the Bible actually says, and start preaching death, hate and general violence to anything they don't like.
Which often leaves me with the though "Doesn't that mean you're all going to hell?"
which brings me back to my main question, why do you want an after life? If even the people who are supposed to be leading such"good" lives can turn in the blink of an eye into a mob of mass murderers (allegedly) who are clearly going to hell, then what chance does anyone else really have of getting the "good" after life? Why do you even want to continue living after you die? Where is the point of that? I mean, reincarnation I can get behind, that sounds fun and makes a tiny bit more sense as far as theories about constant levels of energy in the universe go (seeing as how we generate energy to survive, when we die the energy should in theory come back somehow...side track), but an afterlife? Really?
Let me be really rude, and even more controversial then (love it! :P) what happens if there really is an after life? (I know there isn't but lets pretend) To be honest the"Bad" one sounds a lot more interesting, I mean practically everyone who's anyone will be going, the media has pretty much forced tanning to be sexy so no one will mind the heat... Who will even be at the good one? One man/woman and his/her son, some clouds (Yawn!) a bunch of angels (lets just say they look like elves) with no sexual organs (so no angelic delights!) who would probably burn you to a crisp by touching you anyway (yeah... why am I here again? This party sucks) and mother Teresa (I wanna go now!!!!). That doesn't exactly sound like "eternal bliss" to me...
Jokes and insulting views of what the after life Will be like aside, once again Why do you even want one? The world is a beautiful place(well I think so anyway), yeah it's fucked up, but you're not exactly perfect yourself I'm sure, so don't be so judgmental lol. Besides, most of what's fucked up about the world is down to us (and surprisingly enough, the arbiters of the "Good" after life, Christians... Go figure) so we shouldn't really be complaining, the world is hard but beautiful, and full of very interesting things if you know how to look for them, so to me it's hard to understand why so many people would **choose** to restrict their lives, by living their lives following someone or something else's ideals on how they should be and what they should do. Especially for some vague promise of something like an "after life" when you have no idea if This. Is. it! This could be it! You have no way of knowing.
Here's a mind boggling comparison for you, I'm a gamer (meaning like to play games) so I often hear things of this nature, or along these lines
"I'm gonna spend all my moneys powering up my character on this level so I can get a perfect score, that way when I get to the next level I'll be able to do anything I want"
Sounds similar does it not?
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